Dear Diary
by curlymonic1215
Summary: Ashley's thoughts on what's going on in her life. This will be updated weekly after each episode.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Ashley or any characters mentioned. Brenda Hampton does.

July 23rd, 2008

Dear Diary,

My sister's pregnant and my parent's are fighting. My life is falling apart. And the worst part of it all is I find myself growing weak and helpless. I'm not used to that feeling. The second Amy told me she was pregnant, I was scared. I was scared for her and for what would happen to her when my parent's found out. I was scared that our family would fall apart even more, and that it would never go back to the way it used to be. I can't be strong anymore. I'm only thirteen. Amy needs me right now, but I don't know how much longer I can help her. I need her too. I need her and I need my parents, but none of them are around. I keep having these visions that bad things will happen when she tells our parents. That's why I don't want her too. Things are bad right now. I can't watch them get any worse. I can't handle anything worse than what is going on right now. My parents think I'm too young to realize it, but I'm not stupid. I know and I understand. I just don't want it to be happening to my family. I just don't know what to do anymore! I don't know!


	2. Chapter 2

July 29th, 2008

My dad left today. I can't believe he actually left. I pleaded with him and begged him not to leave. How could he do this to my mom? To us? I'll be a good kid and make better friends and…I'll do anything to have my family back again. And now Amy's thinking of not keeping the baby and my mom keeps trying to tell us how much she loves us and how it's not our fault but…but I know it is. God, why couldn't my dad just stay? I don't know how to feel towards him. I just wish that my parents were happy together and Amy wasn't pregnant. She can't have a baby. She's only fifteen. And getting married? To Ben? What is that guy thinking? He can't support a wife and a kid! If Amy even has the kid.

I'm really scared for Amy. I love her with every bone in my body and I know I don't show it often enough, but I do. She's my older sister. I look up to her and I love her and I care about her. I care about what's going on in her life and I care about this pregnancy and the toll it's taking on her. She can't possibly be healthy enough to be carrying a baby. She's exhausted and crying all the time. I don't know, maybe that's just hormones, but I know stress isn't good for pregnant woman and Amy's stress level has to be off the charts. I worry about her losing the baby, or getting an abortion and not being able to cope with it. A part of me feels that maybe she should tell my mom. Maybe my mom can help her with this more than I can.


	3. Chapter 3

August 4th, 2008

Dear Diary,

Amy told our parent's today, tried to get an abortion, and is now talking to my mom about all the things that she's scared about. What a day, I tell you. I don't know what to think about Amy's decision, but whatever happens, I'm glad she decided not to go somewhere to have the baby. I need her here with me. I love her. She's the only one who ever treats me like an adult, not just some child. At least my mom is going to help her through this. My dad left…again. What a surprise. I lashed out at my mom earlier and told her I hated her, but I don't. I love her, I just got so scared and confused. I don't know what to do about this family. Sometimes I feel like Amy is the only one who truly loves me, but the look in my moms eyes when I told her I hated her, or when she said she knew I blamed her for Dad leaving…I know she loves me. I just wish I knew how to show her that I love her too…

I'm also glad Amy's not getting married. Ben is so dumb. How can a marriage between two fifteen-year-olds and a baby actually work out? At least Amy had the sense to realize that. When she called my mom to come to the clinic, I was scared. I was scared she had the abortion. I was sad that she was so upset and scared…and alone. I mean she had Ben there but what does that idiot know? I mean, seriously?

Well I better go. I hear footsteps, and God knows that's never good in this household….


	4. Chapter 4

August 12th, 2008

Dear Diary,

Look, I know you can't respond back to me or whatever, but sometimes I wish you could. My life is falling apart and I…I don't know what to do anymore. I need somebody I can talk to. I'm so scared and I've been in my room for hours crying because my mom won't let my dad come back and Amy wants to leave and…I know I always took my family for granted but I swear I'd give anything for things to go back to normal again. I don't want Amy to go away, and I don't want my dad to be a part time dad. I need him here with me. I can't stand the tension and anxiety in this house. Amy doesn't know how much I need her with me, and it would be selfish of me to ask her to stay on my account, but I want to. I want her to stay. Is that so much to ask?

She tried to give me some form of the "sex talk" today. Like I'm really going to get myself in her situation. I, unlike her, know how to use a condom. I remember buying them a couple days after Amy told me she was pregnant, just in case I get caught in the heat of the moment with some guy. Speaking of some guy, I can totally tell how she got caught up with Ricky. I mean God he's gorgeous!

My dad came home tonight and I just wanted him to hold me forever. I jumped in his arms like I was five again and when I heard my mom tell him to leave, I couldn't help but cry. It's not fair. I love him just as much as I love the rest of my family, but he's not around like everybody else is. Of course if Amy leaves she won't be around either so what does it matter. God sometimes I just wish I could leave!


	5. Chapter 5

August 19th, 2008

Dear Diary,

God I wish I could just have one normal day in this house. Mimzy surprised everyone by coming up today and telling everyone how Amy should keep the baby and a bunch of crazy stuff like how the baby could live in a drawer. She then tells us she has Alzheimer's and is living in assisted care. Needless to say, Amy is not going to live there. I don't know what's going to happen to her or how she's going to get through this, but a part of me is really glad she's staying…if only because I want her here with me. My dad still hasn't come back and I'm beginning to lose hope that he ever will. Maybe it is possible for my parents to have fallen so far out of love that they can't reconcile. Maybe this is how my life will be forever.

When I close my eyes and think about everything, about Amy getting pregnant and my parent's splitting up, I keep feeling like I could be the one to fix everything. It doesn't matter that I'm only thirteen, or that I have no control over what happens with my parents or Amy. I could be there for Amy. I could help her through this. I could live with my parents being separated and stop giving my mom such a hard time about it. I could do so much for this family…if only I could start with myself.

A/n: Sorry this chapter isn't that good. Last night's episode was kind of a disappointment to me and I really couldn't figure out Ashley's thoughts on anything. Hopefully next will be better. It sure looks it.


	6. Chapter 6

August 26th, 2008

Dear Diary,

Ok, so tonight has definitely been one of the more interesting nights in my life. My father invited Amy and I to his "new apartment" to visit, going through the whole night ignoring me and hardly even caring that I existed, or so that's what it felt like to me. That part might not have been so bad because I ended up meeting some friend of Ben's. His name is Henry and he and his girlfriend Alice had just broken up. He kept staring at me all night while I stood silent. It was really awkward, let me tell you. But he was interested in me nonetheless and he actually told me I was beautiful. It's been awhile since anybody's ever told me I was beautiful. It actually shocked me at first. He didn't mean it though, I'm sure of it. He's still on the rebound with Alice and even I can tell he's really in love with her, not me. Oh well.

Later, after Henry left, I heard my dad and Amy talking, actually, I head Amy yelling. Somebody had been at the door. Somebody named Ricky. Yup, my dad's plan just blew up in his face. I can't believe he lied to us about that. I mean yeah he wanted to spend time with us, but to lie to us? To have to stoop so low as to play off somebody else's apartment as his own? How much lower could he go? Oh right, he can then comfort a daughter that's not even his, and care less about the two he already has. Now that's when he hit rock bottom. I hate him. I hate him and I'll never forgive him. After everything that went on between us tonight, I can honestly say I hate my father.

And get this, my mother had pizza with Leo Boykevitch, Ben's dad! Now she's seeing another man! Is my family really that messed up? And THEN Amy tells us that my father's been living at the furniture store, which means he's poor, which also means then that the whole world can tell were poor. And so, stupidly, I begged and pleaded with my mom to let my dad come home, if only so the world doesn't know were having money problems.

Yeah, my life will never be dull again.


	7. Chapter 7

September 2nd, 2008

Dear Diary,

My dad screwed up, again. What a surprise. Mimzy got lost somehow through all those airport crap stuff and somehow ended up God knows where, so mom had to go and find her and yup, you guessed it, dad got to be there for Amy's first day at her new school…only he ended up taking her to the old school instead. It sucks that she can't even go there anymore, that people can be that cruel to somebody that they torment her out of her own school. Ben got beat up because he refused to call the new school slut school. Oh, and I sort of made up with my dad…just a little bit. We talked after he hung up on my mom and I guess everything is okay for now. I still don't see why he cheated on my mom or us for that matter, and a part of me will never forgive him for that. However he is still my dad and no matter what idiotic thing he does, I still love him.


End file.
